So, this is a pretty impromptu blog post, because it's 2 a.m. on a Sunday and I haven't written anything in ages.
There's a reason why, of course.
As a journalism student, I've been getting a lot of advice from seniors, alums and professors to kind of build some kind of identity for myself online. But as someone who is pretty close to being a digital native (Facebook at the age of 7, Twitter at the age of 10, etc.), there's a lot of my history online.
I don't think I've really done anything shameful online. I've once angrily tweeted at boy band The Wanted because they threw shade at One Direction, but that was ages ago and you can't really blame a fangirl at the age of 11. Other than that, I've posted cringey stories, bad novels and pushy blog posts demanding reads and attention, but I've forgiven myself. In fact, I look back at my younger self and feel a kinship and would love to pat that version of me on the head and tell myself to keep going.
That's why I'm keeping my blog posts up. Even if they're unprofessional or don't subscribe to a very set image of myself that I want professionals to see me as. Because humans are nuanced, because people are meant to be multifaceted, because it's not interesting and compassionate to allow someone to have a history where they were someone they're not now. Because, hello, growth is a thing!
I could delve into the whole schema of cancel culture and get into the specifics of how long ago is too long ago and what should be forgiven and not forgotten, et cetera, et cetera, but that doesn't really pertain to me. I'm not being defensive over anything, I'm being accepting of my cringey pubescent years. That's also why I kept my absolute "garbage" of a novel Vampire Mates still up on Wattpad. That, and the fact that it was a million views. A big accomplishment, mind you. No, seriously, the big reason why it's still up because it's a reservoir of memories and also a physical record of how much my grammar and English used to suck. It's proof I wasn't born and raised speaking perfect English. I'm genuinely not an English native, and no one should ever doubt me, but that's proof! It makes me feel good, that I've come so far.
I dislike the saying that the past doesn't matter and you're not what you did, because you are. You're what you've done, and what you've done is you've grown! You've taken something, a mistake and an error, and you've changed and grown and become someone else who is still you. You are a constant reinvention and you're completely in charge of what you want to be. I think that's really awesome.
So, TL;DR, I'm keeping my cringey past up!
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