Since the age of 12, I have had a pretty clear path my mind has set out for me. However, as time passed, and my life has festered into something... pretty repugnant, I've changed the way I've looked at things, as one does as their growth and goals come into a screeching halt in fear of failure and in fear of mothers. I, personally, have a fear of failing my mother. Lovely.
Anyways, when I was 12, I was dead set on my ambitions and the directions I wanted to take. I knew I wanted to be a writer since I was 10, having written a few (shitty) 'novels'. By coincidence and perhaps fate, I looked at the word journalism, had no idea what it was, thought it had the word journal and thus relative to writing, and so claimed it as my major. Through research, I knew I wanted to go to University of Missouri, Columbia, which had a great--one of the best--journalism schools. And that was... pretty much that.
I'm lucky that my family is well off, that I am able to select what major I want to pursue. However... things are just... strange now. I know more about journalism, and, this might (not) come as a surprise to you, but the world is filled with pessimists. People have asked me on numerous occasions with wild tones "why?!" as in, why journalism? Not to brag, but I'm pretty clever. I aced my sciences and maths and people just couldn't understand that I was just... good at tests but wonderful at manipulating twenty-six alphabets into lines of prose. (Yes, I am quite self-assured).
When people start to tell you about why you shouldn't do something (out of their experience, or their friends' experience, or something they read off something that might not be entirely credible???), you start to ponder and question your life choices too. Do I... really want to do journalism? Something so close to my hobby? Which might, you know, ruin the whole writing thing for me? (Thank you, mother dearest for planting that seed into my mind). I mean, I've been writing for a few years now, almost every day, it's... it's a job in my mind. I proclaim myself as a writer, and even if I tell people I'm a "self-proclaimed writer", that's a writer. It's quite literally (because I use... literary? Ha-ha, get it?) a job for me. A job I love, something that I want to do.
But I'm only focusing on the writing aspect. What about the parts of journalism where it's field stuff, where it's things I don't enjoy, topics that I don't have the expertise in writing? Hell, I write romance and fantasy, not newspaper articles about politics. Though I am very well aware I'm not going to go into newspaper journalism, I know things similar to that will come up where I have to go out of my comfort zone and do things that isn't exactly my 'ambition. But that's life. Everything is a package deal kind of thing.
Anyways, I've been thinking about what kind of journalism to go into. Magazine journalism sounds promising, but a (slightly pessimistic but the looking-out-for-me type of pessimistic; essentially, realistic, but that's pessimistic in my point of view) person asked me what kind of niche I'm planning to go into if I choose to major in magazine journalism. And I was like durrh, urrr, ummmm, 'lifestyle?' I'm a pretty big idiot, yeah, I know. But, like, what else? I could be paparazzi, I guess. Interview people? That's kind of stressful, though. Probably not something in fashion, because that's something I don't exactly delve into. Literary magazine sounds great. I'm thinking, obviously, towards the more 'entertainment' part of journalism.
Getting a double degree sounds fairly plausible too. Quite a lot of people suggest it actually. Some pessimists (realists, whatever you call them) also told me that too many people take journalism these days, that I might not make it big with it. But, well, it's more of a job that something I want to be a prowess of. Although, it would be nice to be a pretty big name in the journalism world and be recognized for my hard work and little 12 year old Claudia's dreams and ambitions. But getting a double degree, I suppose, would be safe and I would appease said pessimists. Realists. People. Whatever. What, though?
I mean, I've thought about literature, English, creative writing, the sorts, but, of course, it might be beneficial to choose something that's kind of going the opposite direction, if you get what I mean. Something like psychology (MY PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER RUINED THE SUBJECT FOR ME. SHAME ON YOU, CHRISTINE, SHAME ON YOU) or business. But, I suppose that's something for me to look into. Double degrees. Fun.
Anyways, I'm very much still a kid. I've been allowing myself to act more childishly these ways purely because I still can. There's still some limits I can push over and allow myself to cross, but one day, these boundaries will be hard limits that might get my ass expelled or something or disowned. Also, I recognized that I've started quite a few paragraphs with 'anyways', because my train of thoughts go here and there, so... 'anyways' gets me back into the topic. It's a useful word.
So yeah. There's that. This is very much a nonsensical garble of words and ramblings, and trust me when I say I never have any efforts to proofread, so I hope you enjoyed. Also, forgive me if I have any run-on sentences; I speak like that in real life too. I always have too many ideas and things to say so I have to squeeze everything into that limited speech time you get before another friend has something cooler to say.
That's all for today! Thanks for reading, if... anyone really is.
Love,
kky_claud
kky_claud
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