the dilemma of being a writer / / rant, insight

Being a writer is problematic. And I don't mean all the technical errors and stuff--no, no. As excruciating as it is to realize you haven't saved one of your chapters, or having a really annoying and debilitating writer's block that has left your fingers pretty much paralyzed and confused, I'm talking about the reality check. 

Oh, the horror. 

Do you know how easy it is to say you're a writer? Oh, yeah, I'm a writer, I write blogs about cars. Yeah, I write fan fictions about K-Pop idols. I'm totally a nerd, I love writing one shots. Oh, I'm a writer, I love to write sad romance fictions and publish it on Wattpad to garner views! (BTW, the last sentence there is essentially the basis my "writer"hood is based on; what an impostor).  

Well, okay, maybe you do know how easy it is to claim yourself as a writer. 

Mm. I wish I could say the same. 

I only recently found out just how many people call themselves writer. I should have known, I guess. Everyone has their story to write, but these sporadic "writers" aren't... technically... writers, right? I treat writing as a job--a job that I pretty freaking love and is passionate about. Sure, it isn't a "job" because I'm not technically paid, but I am paid with satisfaction, readers, and kind commentors (comment! I'll love you forever--unless you're mean, then I'll be sad about that :( ). 

But? There are? So many writers? 

At least, people who pride themselves as writers. 

I mean, I guess everybody can be a writer. You put a pencil to a pen, put a finger to a key on the keyboard, and voila, you're a writer. You could publish shitposts and still be a literal writer. 

Sudden realization: all writers are literal. Get it? 

Anyways, I guess I owe you non-existent readers and future me an explanation. Basically, I recently had a yearbook interview, and I was the interviewer, along with some of my friends-slash-fellow general committee members. Right, so as I was conducting the interview, quite a few people were signing up to be writers. I'll admit, their writing skills are good, may I even say top-notch in Malaysia standards, but like... It just didn't have that "umph" for me. Not like my writing essentially does, but I feel like it's a little more passionate? One of the people treated it too much like a job, and other made presenting his blog on car collectibles very boring and impersonal. At least, to me. This could be due to my bias. 

Anyways, I realize how easily people call themselves a "writer" and just how easily one can be a writer. A few other candidates meaning to be in different departments even say things like, "yeah, I'm a writer, I write, but I don't want to for this project". And one of my fellow committee members said, "I used to be a writer, I wrote a few stories and books, but I don't write anymore". One of my acquaintances also said she was a writer, but I suppose she truly was--she won a lot of writing competitions. 

And then, the other day, while having this gathering with this campus radio I was recently accepted into, I introduced myself as Claudia, obviously, and when asked about my interests or "fun facts", I told them that I write fiction. A few other people were like "OMG me too!" I asked them what they wrote, and they explained that it was mostly fan fictions as well as one-shots. 

I know I don't have a say in who writes and who doesn't, but I just mean... I don't know, what is the true meaning of being a writer? I guess anyone who calls themselves a writer and can produce one work (be it a shitpost) is a valid writer? 

Back to my main topic. Being a writer is so problematic. If you were talented in other fields, like, for example, my friend wants to major in forensic science and carry out autopsies, people just go, mm, impressive, wow. And then I go, I'm doing journalism, I want to be a writer, they just go ah. Okay. Cool. They are un-wowed. Not wowed at all. Not even an inch. 

I guess it's just so easy to say you're a writer that those people who really carry words in their hearts when they can't write it down, people who scribble furiously about story ideas, who scream at themselves for having too many plots they want to expand on, who truly desire writing, who truly want to be an author and change or influence at least one person with their writing, who see one comment of praise and their hearts just leap through the roof--

I guess, that's my own set of criteria, because that person I just described is me. And maybe other people have different checkpoints. Maybe, for some people, being a writer is to treat writing as a job, to be able to unbiased and not passionate, to be logical and practical. Maybe. That isn't wrong, and I'm plenty certain there are people like me. 

Anyways, that's my point. Being a writer isn't special, and it isn't definitive at all, which makes it problematic. To be talented in writing is really problematic, because it doesn't land you a job. Someone talented in science could be a rocket scientist and just wow everyone by just saying that, and getting a lot of money for doing what they like/love. Even people good at accounting can get jobs. Being a writer is just problematic. It's so fluid. There isn't a definitive standard of "good" (and I'm talking about content, not, like, grammar) or what is wrong and write. Writing is so subjective. 

Well, this has been Claudia. Yup. Hope you, dear non-existent reader, enjoyed this one. I enjoyed writing it. Because that's what writers too--they enjoy writing.